Get to the jet skis, girls. Don't sit on them.

It's not funny!



LOL, yes it is. I dig the silent crying at the end.

Back from Tampa, with Tragic video!

Well friends, I just got back from Tampa and I had a great time seeing my baby and my friends. I wish I could have just stayed forever, but alas, I'm back in Dothan now.

Check out this epic crash I saw on the way down there on Friday:



I dunno exactly what happened, but it looks like the Ryder Truck was in the right lane and the Astro van was in the left. Then the Ryder truck merged into the Astro, knocking him nose first into the guardrail, as well as knocking his own back end to the right, sending him too into the guardrail side-first. This flipped him over.

I felt bad for the guy, his shit was all over the interstate. He was just sitting on the rail with his head in his hands.

Sorry about my HORRIBLE camera work, I got an evil eye from a state trooper walking in front of me when he saw me holding my phone up. But I still got a good shot of it. You can hear me say "Holy---" when I first saw the flipped truck. Haha. I think everyone was OK in this wreck; hopefully.

Oh, and also: my laptop bricked. I'm gonna have to save up to fix it. Until then, I might be blogging a little less since I'll need to do it from another computer. Fuck!

A truly uneventful day.

Haha, I have absolutely nothing worth posting today, surprisingly.

Let's see... tomorrow I'm working at my old employer for a day in order to make enough money to go see my baby in Tampa. Hopefully I'll make enough to go. I miss her more than anything.

Today I sanded down the dent on my car, taped everything off, and spraypainted the area black so it doesn't show the paint coming off anymore. It looks a smidge better, but still looks like shit. Lawls. I also cut my own hair, that was a funny adventure I guess... and I ate lasagna. Other than that, I guess I vegged out. Oh well.

In order to bring at least some lawlification to this blog, here is a hilarious video I found on the YouTubez.



LOL. WAT. Until next time...

Hyper-WAT?

Well, Chippies, in a desperate attempt to save money during these times of astronomical gas prices that are continually on the rise, I have decided to join the economical group of motorists who call themselves the "hypermilers". What is "hypermiling"? It's a concept based on changing your driving style in ways that will increase the fuel economy your vehicle.

So anyway, after reading about this technique on a Focus website I'm a member of, I decided to look into it and discovered HyperMiling.com. I read up on all the various tricks and now I'm trying them in real life as an experiment to see how much my gas mileage improves.

Now, I am by no means a rough driver. I normally drive in a civilized fashion, but I could definitely be more gentle on the throttle. I often will not waste my time getting up to speed, like most drivers on the road. However, I know I could be much more gentle, regardless of the fact that I would be accelerating much more gradually to get to my driving speed.

Here are the techniques I have been using on this tank of gas while driving:

1. When accelerating to speed, I try to never let my RPM's go over 2500. I usually keep them around 2000 unless I need to accelerate a little faster.
2. When I see a yellow or red light far up ahead of me, instead of continuing to gas it all the way to the red light and then braking, I just take my foot off the gas pedal and coast in gear toward the light, gradually slowing down and very gently braking as I approach the light. Often times, I'll still be rolling when the light turns green again and can just lightly get back on the gas without even braking, passing people still stopped at the red light who had previously passed me to get there faster. Not only does this actually put me ahead of some of these people, but by not using the brakes much or at all while approaching the light, I save gas that is normally consumed while braking harder.
3. When accelerating, I try to avoid using the gas pedal. I get my car up to 25MPH gently, then turn on the cruise control and use the ACCEL button to accelerate. One press of the button increases my speed by 1MPH, so steady presses of this button increase the car's speed gently and gradually, but not too slowly. I find that the car's computer does a better job at stabilizing the RPM's than my foot does, so usually my RPM's barely go over 2100 or so while accelerating up to speed.

So anyway, I have been implementing these techniques on this tank of gas, and I think I'm going to have great results. Here is a comparison, shittily thrown together on MS Paint, to where I am now versus where I used to be at the same point.

Fuck yeah!

I'm still not sure how accurate this reading is, having only used less than a fourth of a tank of gas, but if it is, it's reasonable to think that I could possibly get 60 or more extra miles to this tank of gas compared to my usual gas mileage. I'll update this blog with my final results, but the idea of being able to drive that much further on a tank of gas is great. I sure could use some of that money saved on gas.

Free shit for your computer.

Hey friends, I thought I'd share a bunch of computer applications that are 100% free and do what a lot of paid programs do.


AVG Anti-Virus 8 - This anti-virus program is the shit, and it's free. It's all I use on my computer and I never have any threats.

Audacity - Free open-source audio editor. You can do all sorts of stuff to your music with this, including enhancement, conversion from one filetype to another, removing lyrics, and more.

Media Player Classic - This looks like an old version of Windows Media Player but don't let its plain appearance fool you. This media player will play ANY video/audio file you can throw at it, including YouTube FLV files and DVD's. Not only that, but it's nice and compact, and uses very little memory.

VLC Media Player - Similar to Media Player Classic, with a few differences. Personally, I prefer MPC but this will also play almost anything you can think of.

OpenOffice.org - This set of office programs is an open-source clone of Microsoft Office. You can do pretty much everything you can with Office, only this is completely 100% free. It includes clones of Word, Excel, Access, and Powerpoint. It can also open all Office documents such as Word files (.DOC) and save to them as well.

Pidgin - an IM client that can run AIM, MSN, Yahoo, IRC, ICQ, and many others all at the same time. It's nice and simple, fast, and streamlined and I love it. This is what I use.

Trillian - Same kind of program as Pidgin. Also awesome, though I prefer the speed of Pidgin. Trillian, however, is more customizable.

Ubuntu Linux - If you are sick of Windows, this open-source OS is a free alternative with a lot of cool features. Definitely worth checking out for more advanced users.

Mozilla Firefox - If you don't use this already, or know about it, we have problems. Web browser that blows the shit out of Internet Explorer. Version 3 just came out.

Opera - Another great web browser. The new version looks really nice, but I still prefer Firefox.

Oovoo - A really cool IM client that focuses on webcam and audio chats over text chats (though you can still use text like any other IM client). I use this a lot and it's great. You can also call telephones from it, and for 15 bucks a month, you get unlimited minutes. It works pretty nicely as a replacement for a phone when you're at home.


So there you have it, free programs for you to have. Enjoy, lawl.

ATTN: Redneck who backed into my car and ran away:

FUCK YOU.

Just got the estimate for my car's repairs: $764.

It would be over a grand if I got the dent on the hatch fixed. Thanks for driving your trailer hitch into the corner of my car, I really appreciate that. And that part where you ran away like a pussy who can't take responsibility for your own dumbass mistakes? I loved it.

One of the funniest videos ever.

I came across this video on YouTube a while back and I thought I would share it with you guys. It features one of the last truly hilarious comedians out there, Zach Galifianakis. He's playing his "brother" Seth. This happens to be a video collection of outtakes from that video. Fucking HILARIOUS.



"I named my dog Funyuns cause he likes to eat Funyuns all the time."

REVIEW (CD): Tim and Eric Awesome Record, Great Songs!

As a long-time fan of the comedic geniuses Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim, I have always taken a liking to their offbeat, alternative brand of humor. Ever since I discovered them, the music in their various shows has always added to the hilarity.

Whether it be a ridiculously long and intense remix of another one of their songs or an intentionally shitty-sounding MIDI-quality track, they know exactly what makes some music funny, and satirize it right to the tee.

So anyway, knowing this about their music, there was no fucking way I would miss out on this CD. I fell in love with these songs when I originally heard them on Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! so just having them in their original format would have pleased me. However, to my intense glee, I found that not only were my favorite songs from the show on this album, but they had been enhanced and perfected for my listening pleasure. "Salame" never sounded so crisp and clear. Certain songs from the show have been remixed to flow with the rest of the album and not one of them is overdone to the point of ruining the integrity and charm of the original song.

Some of the tracks on this CD are absolutely crazy. DJ Douggpound did an excellent job with his contributions to the album, including a massive remix of th T&EASGJ! theme song that incorporates countless random songs and jingles from the show into it, throwing them into the track beatmatched with the Awesome Show theme song. On the first playthrough, this song is a T&E fan's cream dream. A fucking cream dream.



On top of the original songs and in-house remixes, a few indie covers of popular songs from the show are included on the CD, including covers by Built To Spill, A to Z, and The Shins. These songs are some of my favorites on the whole album. Also, as if the already huge track list wasn't enough, Tim and Eric added some bonus tracks to their website that you can download for absolutely free. Get those here for a free preview of the album!

Here is the complete 49-song track listing (after downloading the bonus tracks) for Awesome Record, Great Songs!:

1. "Sports!"
2. I Sit Down When I Pee
3. Doo Dah Doo Doo
4. Beaver Boys
5. Salame (with David Hart)
6. Time Travel
7. Rolo Tony
8. Poke On
9. Petite Feet
10. Sit On You
11. Father and Son (with D.L. Hart)
12. My Sister's Cute
13. Hamburgers and Hotdogs
14. Pumpers and Tumblers
15. Pizza Boy (featuring David Cross)
16. Come Over
17. The New You (featuring Maria Bamford)
18. Hearts (Featuring Aimee Mann)
19. Beach Blast
20. Stay In School (with D.L. Hart)
21. Dirty Socks
22. Horse and Buggy Ride
23. The Snuggler
24. All of My Life
25. Raz
26. Long Legs
27. No Sunsets
28. Shrimp and White Wine
29. Marcama (with D.L. Hart)
30. Here She Comes (Featuring Bob Odenkirk)
31. Casey's Lost
32. Lost In The Wheel
33. Love Slaves
34. Wipe My Butt
35. Together Forever
36. Awesome Show Theme (Feat. DJ Douggpound)
37. Wipe My Butt (featuring The Shins)
38. Come Over (featuring Built To Spill)
39. Where's My Chippy (Featuring DJ Douggpound)
40. One for Pep Pep (Flying Lotus Remix)
41. Sports! (Sports Bar Remix)
42. Sports! (Dance Club Remix)
43. Come Over (A to Z)
44. Salame Rock
45. Snuggler 8 Bit
46. Rolo Tony (Uncut)
47. Cops and Robbers (A to Z)
48. Big Ben 2 (A to Z)
49. Crackers and Snacks

As you can see, that is a quite an offering for one album that you can find for $10-$12 online. For any Tim and Eric fan, this album is an absolute must-buy; no questions asked. For anyone else, watch the show a few times. If you like it, I don't think this album can disappoint. For me, it is fucking glorious. This will be cued up on my iPod for a long time.

Overall Score:
9.5/10

Preview Tracks:

Salame!

REVIEW: La Parilla Mexican Restaurant

Tonight, my mother and I decided to give this new mega-Mexican restaurant in town called La Parilla. It has pretty nice architecture and it looks more upscale than most of the other Mexican joints in town. Plus, it's nestled in front of the Target shopping center, so when you eat there you feel like you're actually in a bustling, successful metropolis!

First off, I'm not sure how many more Mexican restaurants Dothan can physically contain. We have like 144 La Bamba's and like 137 Old Mexicos. And that's on the Circle alone. You can't step outside without being draped in the permeating smell of chimichangas. And yet, despite there being so many of these restaurants, you can't deny their charm. Nothing says "authentic Mexican cooking" like having your food prepared by real, live illegal immigrants!

Unfortunately for La Parilla, being a more upscale chain-style business, hiring illegals is unheard of, so having your food cooked by Seth and served to you by Ricky will have to suffice. Needless to say, I was worried about the quality of the food when I was greeted by smiling caucasian faces.

So anyway, my mom and I had a seat and the first thing we noticed was that the fucking lights weren't working. I had to use my cell phone's screen as a lamp so she could read the menu. This problem was partially solved later, when we were bathed in flourescent light as what appeared to be backup lights cut on. 90% of the spot light bulbs appeared to have blown out, so these ruined the "mood lighting" when they cut on and made everything look blue. Regardless, we could see now.

One other problem with the atmosphere was the pure shittiness of the acoustics inside. Sound carries massively in there, and the sound of people talking was unbearably loud. I could barely hear my mom sitting across from me, but I could hear someone on the other side of the restaurant talking about having chicken stuck in their braces. If you go to La Parilla, know ahead of time that you are going to go deaf. It's louder than Hell, and I imagine you can't get much louder than Hell.

Anyway, I had to ask the manager for a refill since our waiter stopped showing up, and when we finally got our food, my mom's fucking burrito was cold and bland. My fajitas, however, were the fucking shit. I nearly had a full-on tortillagasm. The steak was tender and cooked to perfection and the flavor was great.

If you want good fajitas, go to La Parilla.

Unfortunately, the atmosphere and the mediocre service made the overall experience pretty unenjoyable. So Dothanites, if you want good Mexican food with an authentic atmosphere and an enjoyable experience, go to La Bamba near the Medical Center or Old Mexico near Westgate. They still own this town, and probably will for all eternity.

Overall Score:
6.7/10

REVIEW: The Taco Bell "Big Bell Box Meal"

OMG. You're about to experience the greatest fucking deal in food history.

Before I go into the details of this meal, allow me to say that I am just as disgusted by the state of the fast food industry as the next schmuck. However, sometimes I like to treat myself to a glorious heap of unhealthy garbage with taste as its only redeeming quality.

Thus, it was no surprise that during a late-night GTA session with my good friend Aaron, I began to get the hunger pangs. I had to get some food in my system or else the night would quickly begin to go sour. After thinking of my possibilities at 11:30 PM on a Friday night, I decided that Taco Bell was "WINRAR". At the drop of a hat, Aaron and I were on our way to our friendly neighborhood T-Bell.

We arrived and immediately saw the most glorious meal every produced on the menu. The newly released Big Bell Box Meal. Just what goes into a Big Bell Box Meal, you ask? Allow me to sum it up for you.

- 1 Queso Crunchwrap (It's good to go!)
- 1 Bean Burrito (Oh, fuck. It's huge and has beans in it!)
- 1 Hard Taco (It's the staple of any red-blooded American's meal!)
- 1 order of Cinnamon Twists (It's dessert made of a styrofoam!)
- 1 large drink of your choice (Mountain Dew, of course!)

Price: $4.99 - OMFG

Yes, friends. You read correctly. All of that food is available for five fucking dollars. Not only is it available for five dollars, but it also comes in a giant box that seems to be a huge, satirical statement about the state of the fast food industry with hilarious one liners such as "We told you this was big" printed all over it, as well as the instructions telling you how to properly lift your Big Bell Box Meal without injuring your spine. The whole meal is just an absolute joy to eat.

The centerpiece of this meal, the all-new Queso Crunchwrap, is fucking delicious. It's basically a hexagonal burrito-like object that is filled with beef, multiple types of cheese, and a hard taco shell. Not to be confused with its messier brothers the Crunchwrap Supreme and the 7-Layer Crunchwrap, this variant of the popular Crunchwrap actually is "good to go". For some reason, it holds its shape and the filling inside never drains downward to one side, avoiding a huge mess when you eat more than half of it. Until the last bite, my hands were clean and I didn't need to use a napkin. By far my favorite incarnation of the Crunchwrap to date.

The rest of the meal doesn't need to be spoken for. Everyone knows about burritos, tacos, and cinnamon twists and I refuse to write about them. All you need to know is that they go well with the Crunchwrap and they were prepared to perfection. I nearly came due to the sheer bliss inflicted upon my quivering tongue.

As expected, the Mountain Dew was popping fucking fresh and washed down my taco/burrito/Crunchwrap mush with perfect carbonation and flavor. Props to Pepsi Corporation.

With all of these factors in mind, I present to you my final review score of the Big Bell Box Meal.

Final Score:
8.9/10

Obligatory first post.

Hey there, friends!

Just thought I would start off this blog with the mandatory "I'm doing a blog!" first post. So, without further ado...

I'm doing a blog! LOLZ!

But seriously, with Independence Day having just wrapped up, one would think that I would have something of interest to write about. Sadly, I didn't do much. My friend Aaron was in town, so we basically vegged out with some Taco Bell and played GTAIV online.

It was the best night ever.