OMG. You're about to experience the greatest fucking deal in food history.
Before I go into the details of this meal, allow me to say that I am just as disgusted by the state of the fast food industry as the next schmuck. However, sometimes I like to treat myself to a glorious heap of unhealthy garbage with taste as its only redeeming quality.
Thus, it was no surprise that during a late-night GTA session with my good friend Aaron, I began to get the hunger pangs. I had to get some food in my system or else the night would quickly begin to go sour. After thinking of my possibilities at 11:30 PM on a Friday night, I decided that Taco Bell was "WINRAR". At the drop of a hat, Aaron and I were on our way to our friendly neighborhood T-Bell.
We arrived and immediately saw the most glorious meal every produced on the menu. The newly released Big Bell Box Meal. Just what goes into a Big Bell Box Meal, you ask? Allow me to sum it up for you.
- 1 Queso Crunchwrap (It's good to go!)
- 1 Bean Burrito (Oh, fuck. It's huge and has beans in it!)
- 1 Hard Taco (It's the staple of any red-blooded American's meal!)
- 1 order of Cinnamon Twists (It's dessert made of a styrofoam!)
- 1 large drink of your choice (Mountain Dew, of course!)
Price: $4.99 - OMFG
Thus, it was no surprise that during a late-night GTA session with my good friend Aaron, I began to get the hunger pangs. I had to get some food in my system or else the night would quickly begin to go sour. After thinking of my possibilities at 11:30 PM on a Friday night, I decided that Taco Bell was "WINRAR". At the drop of a hat, Aaron and I were on our way to our friendly neighborhood T-Bell.
We arrived and immediately saw the most glorious meal every produced on the menu. The newly released Big Bell Box Meal. Just what goes into a Big Bell Box Meal, you ask? Allow me to sum it up for you.
- 1 Queso Crunchwrap (It's good to go!)
- 1 Bean Burrito (Oh, fuck. It's huge and has beans in it!)
- 1 Hard Taco (It's the staple of any red-blooded American's meal!)
- 1 order of Cinnamon Twists (It's dessert made of a styrofoam!)
- 1 large drink of your choice (Mountain Dew, of course!)
Price: $4.99 - OMFG
Yes, friends. You read correctly. All of that food is available for five fucking dollars. Not only is it available for five dollars, but it also comes in a giant box that seems to be a huge, satirical statement about the state of the fast food industry with hilarious one liners such as "We told you this was big" printed all over it, as well as the instructions telling you how to properly lift your Big Bell Box Meal without injuring your spine. The whole meal is just an absolute joy to eat.
The centerpiece of this meal, the all-new Queso Crunchwrap, is fucking delicious. It's basically a hexagonal burrito-like object that is filled with beef, multiple types of cheese, and a hard taco shell. Not to be confused with its messier brothers the Crunchwrap Supreme and the 7-Layer Crunchwrap, this variant of the popular Crunchwrap actually is "good to go". For some reason, it holds its shape and the filling inside never drains downward to one side, avoiding a huge mess when you eat more than half of it. Until the last bite, my hands were clean and I didn't need to use a napkin. By far my favorite incarnation of the Crunchwrap to date.
The rest of the meal doesn't need to be spoken for. Everyone knows about burritos, tacos, and cinnamon twists and I refuse to write about them. All you need to know is that they go well with the Crunchwrap and they were prepared to perfection. I nearly came due to the sheer bliss inflicted upon my quivering tongue.
As expected, the Mountain Dew was popping fucking fresh and washed down my taco/burrito/Crunchwrap mush with perfect carbonation and flavor. Props to Pepsi Corporation.
With all of these factors in mind, I present to you my final review score of the Big Bell Box Meal.
Final Score:
8.9/10
The centerpiece of this meal, the all-new Queso Crunchwrap, is fucking delicious. It's basically a hexagonal burrito-like object that is filled with beef, multiple types of cheese, and a hard taco shell. Not to be confused with its messier brothers the Crunchwrap Supreme and the 7-Layer Crunchwrap, this variant of the popular Crunchwrap actually is "good to go". For some reason, it holds its shape and the filling inside never drains downward to one side, avoiding a huge mess when you eat more than half of it. Until the last bite, my hands were clean and I didn't need to use a napkin. By far my favorite incarnation of the Crunchwrap to date.
The rest of the meal doesn't need to be spoken for. Everyone knows about burritos, tacos, and cinnamon twists and I refuse to write about them. All you need to know is that they go well with the Crunchwrap and they were prepared to perfection. I nearly came due to the sheer bliss inflicted upon my quivering tongue.
As expected, the Mountain Dew was popping fucking fresh and washed down my taco/burrito/Crunchwrap mush with perfect carbonation and flavor. Props to Pepsi Corporation.
With all of these factors in mind, I present to you my final review score of the Big Bell Box Meal.
Final Score:
8.9/10
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